shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
