she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
