Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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