pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just pee around me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
