So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
