What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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