1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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