Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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