did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
