i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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