There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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