We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
