But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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