Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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