they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
