took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
