You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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