never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
