I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
