Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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