so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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