My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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