I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
