The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
