i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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