youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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