Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
