I wanna passion pit in your ass
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
