so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
