I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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