im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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