4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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