How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
