I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
