best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
