Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
