who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
