Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
