I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
