Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I want her autograph on my taint
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
