Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
