come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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