weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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