You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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