I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
