I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
