Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
