Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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