Where is the hickey?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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