mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
