They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
