see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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