Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
